The Love Dare : Day 31 – LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Day 31 – LOVE AND MARRIAGE 

A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife;and they shall become one flesh. 

Genesis 2:24

This verse is God’s original blueprint for how marriage is supposed to work.  It involves a tearing away and knitting together.  It reconfigures existing relationships while establishing a brand new one.  Marriage changes everything.

That’s why couples who don’t take this “leaving” and “cleaving” message to heart will reap the consequences down the line, when the problems are much harder to repair without hurting someone.

“Leaving” means that you are breaking a natural tie.  Your parents step into the role of counselors to be respected, but can no longer tell you what to do.  Sometimes the difficulty in doing this comes from the original source.  A parent may not be ready to release you yet from their control and expectations.  Whether through unhealthy dependence or inner struggles over the empty nest, parents don’t always take their share of this responsibility.  In such cases, the grown child has to make “leaving” a courageous choice of his own.  And far too often, this break is not made in the right away.

Are you and your spouse still living with unresolved issues because of a failure to cut the apron strings?  Do either of your parents continue to create problems within your home – perhaps without their even knowing it?  What needs to happen to put a stop to this before it creates too wide of a division in your marriage?

Unity is a marriage quality to be guarded at great cost.  The purpose of “leaving,” of course, is not to abandon all contact with the past but rather to preserve the unique oneness that marriage is designed to capture.  Only in oneness can you become all that God means for you to be.

If you’re too tightly drawn to your parents, the singular identity of your marriage will not be able to come to flower.  You will always be held back, and a root of division will continue to send up new shoots into your relationship.  It won’t go away unless you do something about it..  For without “leaving,” you cannot do the “cleaving” you need, the joining of your hearts that’s required to experience oneness.

“Cleaving” carries the idea of catching someone by pursuit, clinging to them as your new rock of refuge and safety.  This man is now the spiritual leader of your new home, tasked with the responsibility of loving you “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  This woman is now one in union with you, called to “see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

As a result of this essential process, you are now free to become everything God meant when He declared you “one flesh.”

• You are able to achieve oneness in your decision making, even when you begin from differing viewpoints.
• You are able to achieve oneness in your priorities, even though you’ve come together from backgrounds that could hardly be more different.
• You are able to achieve oneness in your sexual affections toward each other, even if either or both of you have memories of impurity in your pre-marital past.
• God’s decision to make you “one flesh” in marriage can make anything possible. 

If this is not how things are going in your home right now, you’re unfortunately in the majority.  It’s not out of character for couples of all kinds – even Christian couples – to ignore God’s design for marriage, thinking they know better than He does.  Genesis 2:24 may have sounded nice and noble when it was wrapped around the sharing of vows at the wedding.  But as a fundamental principle to be put into place and practiced as a living fact – this just seems too difficult to do.  But this is what you must make any sacrifice to reclaim.

It’s hard – extremely hard – when the pursuit of oneness is basically one-sided.  Your spouse may not be interested at all in recapturing the unity you had at first.  Even if there is some desire on his or her part, there may still be issues between you that are nowhere close to being resolved.

But if you’ll continue to keep a passion for oneness forefront in your mind and heart, your relationship over time will begin to reflect the inescapable “one flesh” design that is printed on its DNA.  You don’t have to go looking for it.  It’s already there.  But you do have to live it, or there’s nothing else to expect than disunity.

Leave.  And cleave..  And dare to walk as one.

TODAY’S DARE

IS THERE A “LEAVING” ISSUE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN BRAVE ENOUGH TO CONQUER YET?  CONFESS IT TO YOUR SPOUSE TODAY, AND RESOLVE TO MAKE IT RIGHT.  THE ONENESS OF YOUR MARRIAGE IS DEPENDENT UPON IT.  FOLLOW THIS WITH A COMMITMENT TO YOUR SPOUSE AND TO GOD TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE THE TOP PRIORITY OVER EVERY OTHER HUMAN RELATIONSHIP.

 May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You. 

 John 17:21 HCSB

 Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 30 – LOVE BRINGS UNITY

Day 30 – LOVE BRINGS UNITY 

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me,that they may be once even as We are.

John 17:11

One of the most impressive things about the Bible is the way it is linked together, with consistent themes running throughout, from beginning to end.  Though written over a span of 1,600 years and composed by more than forty writers of various backgrounds and skill levels, God sovereignly authored it with one united voice.  And He continues to speak through it today without ever going off-message.
Unity.  Togetherness.  Oneness.

These are the unshakable hallmarks of our God.
From the very beginning of time, we see His unity at work through the Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  God the Father is there, creating the heavens and the earth.  The Spirit is “moving over the surface of the waters” (Genesis 1:2).  And the Son, who is “the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature” (Hebrews 1:3), joins in speaking the world into existence.  “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness” (Genesis 1:26).
Us. Our.

All three are in perfect oneness of mind and purpose.
We later see Jesus rising from the waters of baptism, as the Spirit descends like a dove and the Father announces over this majestic scene, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased” (Matthew 3:17).

Jesus later says, “I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me” (John 6:38).  His desire to answer His followers’ prayers is “so that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:13).  He asks the Father to send the Holy Spirit, knowing that the Spirit will faithfully testify about the Son He loves, for “no ones knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:11 NIV).

Father, Son, and Spirit are in pristine unity.  They serve each other, love each other, and honor each other.  Though equal, they rejoice when the other is praised.  Though distinct, they are one, indivisible.

And because this relationship is so special – so representative of the vastness and grandeur of God – He has chosen to let us experience an aspect of it.  In the unique relationship of husband and wife, two distinct individuals are spiritually united into “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).  And “what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Mark 10:9 NIV).

In fact, this mystery is so compelling – and the love between husband and wife so intertwined and complete – that God uses the imagery of marriage to explain His love for the church.
The church (the bride) is most honored when her Savior is worshiped and celebrated.  Christ (the bridegroom), who has given Himself up for her, is most honored when He sees her “as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:27 NIV).  Both Christ and the church love and honor the other.
That’s the beauty of unity.

Husband – What would happen in your marriage if you devoted yourself to loving, honoring, and serving your wife in all things?  What if you determined that the preservation of your oneness with this woman was worth every sacrifice and expression of love you could make?  What would change in your home if you took that approach to your relationship on a daily basis?

Wife – What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband?  What if every threat to your unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, an enemy to be eliminated by love, humility and selflessness?  What would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?

The unity of the Trinity, as seen from beyond the reaches of history past and continuing into the future, is evidence of the power of oneness.  It is unbreakable.  It is unending.  And it is the same spiritual reality that disguises itself as your home and mailing address.  Though painted in the colors of work schedules and doctor visits and trips to the grocery, oneness is the eternal thread that runs through the daily experience of what you call “your marriage,” giving it a purpose to be defended for life.

Therefore, love this one who is as much a part of your body as you are.  Serve this one whose needs cannot be separated from your own.  Honor this one who, when raised upon the pedestal of your love, raises you up too in the eyes of God, all at the same time.

TODAY’S DARE

ISOLATE ONE AREA OF DIVISION IN YOUR MARRIAGE, AND LOOK ON TODAY AS A FRESH OPPORTUNITY TO PRAY ABOUT IT.  ASK THE LORD TO REVEAL ANYTHING IN YOUR OWN HEART THAT IS THREATENING ONENESS WITH YOUR SPOUSE.  PRAY THAT HE WOULD DO THE SAME FOR THEM.  AND IF APPROPRIATE, DISCUSS THIS MATTER OPENLY SEEKING GOD FOR UNITY.

The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! 

Deuteronomy 6:4

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 29 – LOVE’S MOTIVATION

Day 29 – LOVE’S MOTIVATION 

Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men.

Ephesians 6:7 HCSB

It doesn’t take much experience to discover that your mate will not always motivate your love.  In fact, many times they will de-motivate it.  More often than you’d like, it will seem difficult to find the inspiration to demonstrate your love.  They may not even receive it when you try to express it.  That’s simply the nature of life, even in fairly healthy marriages.

But although moods and emotions can create all kinds of moving motivational targets, one is certain to stay in the same place, all the time.  When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.

That’s because love comes from Him.
Think of it like this.  When you were a child, your parents certainly established rules for you to follow.  Your bedtime was at a certain hour.  Your room had to be kept mostly clean.  Your schoolwork needed to be finished before you could go play.  If you were like most people, you bent these rules as often as you obeyed them.  And if not for the incentive of force and consequences, you might not have obeyed them at all.

But if you met Christ along the way or received any kind of Bible teaching, you probably were exposed to this idea – “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).  If you took this to heart at all, you knew you didn’t merely have your parents to answer to anymore.

This was no longer a battle of wills between you and a flesh-and-blood authority figure.  This was now between you and God.  Your mom and dad were just the go-between.
As it turns out, however, the relationship between parents and children isn’t the only thing enhanced by letting God become your driving motivation.  Consider the following areas where pleasing Him should become our goal.

Work.
  “Do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).
Service.
“Obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Colossians 3:22).
Everything. 
 Work hard at “whatever you do…knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.  It is the Lord Christ whom you serve” (Colossians 3:23-24).
Even marriage.  
“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

The love that’s demanded from you in marriage is not dependent on your mate’s sweetness or suitability.  The love between a husband and wife should have one chief objective: honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity.  The fact that it blesses our beloved in the process is simply a wonderful, additional benefit.

This change of focus and perspective is crucial for a Christian.  Being able to wake up knowing that God is your source and supply – not just of your own needs but also those of your spouse – changes your whole reason for interacting with your mate.
No longer is it this imperfect person who decides how much love you’ll show, but rather it’s your omni-perfect God who can use even a flawed person like yourself to bestow loving favor on another.

Has your wife become fairly hard to live with lately?  Is her slowness at getting over a disagreement wearing on your patience?  Can she not just give it a rest?  Don’t withhold your love just because she thinks differently from you.  Love her “as to the Lord.”

Is your husband tuning you out, not saying much, apparently brooding over something he’s not interested in sharing?  Do you feel hurt by his unwillingness to open up?  Are you tired of him being so short with you, not even responding to the children the way he needs to?  Don’t battle back with a double dose of silence and inattention.  Love him anyway.  “As to the Lord.”

Love motivated by mere duty cannot hold out for very long.  And love that is only motivated by favorable conditions can never be assured of sufficient oxygen to keep it breathing.  Only love that is lifted up as an offering to God – returned to Him in gratitude for all He’s done – is able to sustain itself when all other reasons have lost their ability to energize us.

Those who are fine with mediocre marriages can leave their love to change and hope for the best.  But if you are committed to giving your spouse the best love you can, you need to shoot for love’s highest motivation.  Love that has God as its primary focus is unlimited in the in the heights it can attain.

TODAY’S DARE

BEFORE YOU SEE YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN TODAY, PRAY FOR THEM BY NAME AND FOR THEIR NEEDS.  WHETHER IT COMES EASY FOR YOU OR NOT, SAY “I LOVE YOU,” THEN EXPRESS LOVE TO THEM IN SOME TANGIBLE WAY .  GO TO GOD IN PRAYER AGAIN, THANKING HIM FOR GIVING YOU THE PRIVILEGE OF LOVING THIS ONE SPECIAL PERSON- UNCONDITIONALLY, THE WAY HE LOVES BOTH OF YOU.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

 Joshua 24:15

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 28 – LOVE MAKES SACRIFICES

Day 28 – LOVE MAKES SACRIFICES 

He laid down His life for us.  We should also lay down

our lives for our brothers.

 1 John 3:16 HCSB

 Life can be hard.  But what we usually mean is that our life can be hard.  We’re the first to feel it when we’re the ones being mistreated or inconvenienced.  We’re quick to sulk when we’re the ones who feel deprived or unappreciated.  When life is difficult for us, we notice.

But too often the only way we notice that life is hard for our mate is when they start complaining about it.  Then instead of genuinely caring or rushing in to help, we might think they just have a bad attitude.  The pain and pressure they’re under doesn’t register with us the way it does when it’s our pain and pressure.  When we want to complain, we expect everyone to understand and feel sorry for us.

This doesn’t happen when love is at work.  Love doesn’t have to be jarred awake by your mate’s obvious signs of distress.  Before worries and troubles have begun to bury them, love has already gone into action mode.  It sees the weight beginning to pile up and it steps in to help.  That’s because love wants you to be sensitive to your spouse.

Love makes sacrifices.  It keeps you so tuned in to what your spouse needs that you often respond without being asked.  And when you don’t notice ahead of time and must be told what’s happening, love responds to the heart of the problem.

Even when your mate’s stress comes out in words of personal accusation, love shows compassion rather than becoming defensive.  Love inspires you to say “no” to what you want, in order to say “yes” to what your spouse needs.

That’s what Jesus did.  “He laid down His life for us” to show us that “we should also lay down our lives” for others.  He taught us that the evidence of love is found in seeing a need in others, then doing all we can to satisfy it.  “For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me” (Matthew 25:35-36).

These are the types of needs you should be looking for in your wife or husband.  Instead of sitting around upset that they’re not treating you the way you think they should, let love pick you up out of your self-pity and turn your attention to their needs.

Is he “hungry” – needing you sexually, even you don’t feel like it?

Is she “thirsty” – craving the time and attention you seem able to give to everyone else?

Does he feel like a “stranger” – insecure in his work, needing home to be a refuge and sanctuary?

Is she “naked” – frightened or ashamed, desperate for the warm coving of your loving affirmation?

Is he feeling “sick” – physically tired and needing you to help guard him from interruptions?

Does she feel in “prison” – fearful and depressed, needing some safety and intervention?

Love is willing to make sacrifices to see that the needs of your spouse are given your very best effort and focus.  When your mate is overwhelmed and under the gun, love calls you to set aside what seems so essential in your own life to help, even if it’s merely the gift of a listening ear.

Often all they really need is just to talk this situation out.  They need to see in your two attentive eyes that you truly care about what this is costing them, and you’re serious about helping them seek answers.  They need you to pray with them about what to do, and then keep following up to see how it’s going.

The words “How can I help you?” need to stay fresh on your lips.

The solutions may be simple and easy for you to do, or they may be complex and expensive, requiring time, energy, and great effort.  Either way, you should do whatever you can to meet the real needs of the one who is a part of who you are.  After all, when you help them, you are also helping yourself.  That’s the beautiful part of sacrificing for your spouse.  Jesus did it for us.  And He extends the grace to do it for others.

When the New Testament believers began to walk in love, their lives together were marked by sharing and sacrifice.  Their heartbeat was to worship the Lord and to serve His people.  “All those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need” (Acts 2:44-45).  As Paul said to one of these churches in a later decade, “I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls” (2 Corinthians 12:15).  Lives that have been raised from death by Jesus’ sacrifice should be ready and willing to make daily sacrifices to meet the needs of others.

TODAY’S DARE 

WHAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST NEEDS IN YOUR SPOUSE’S LIFE RIGHT NOW?  IS THERE A NEED YOU COULD LIFT FROM THEIR SHOULDERS TODAY BY A DARING ACT OF SACRIFICE ON YOUR PART?  WHETHER THE NEED IS BIG OR SMALL, PURPOSE TO DO WHAT YOU CAN TO MEET THE NEED.

Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

 Galatians 6:2

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 27 – LOVE ENCOURAGES

Day 27 – LOVE ENCOURAGES

Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed,for I take refuge in You.

 Psalm 25:20

Marriage has a way of altering our vision.  We go in expecting our mate to fulfill our hopes and to make us happy.  But this is an impossible order for our spouse to fill.  Unrealistic expectations breed disappointment.  The higher your expectations, the more likely your spouse will fail you and cause you frustration.

If a wife expects her husband to always be on time, clean up after himself, and understand all her needs, she will likely live most of her married life in constant disappointment.  But if she gets realistic and understands that he’s human, forgetful, and sometimes thoughtless, then she will be more delighted when he is responsible, loving, and kind.

Divorce is nearly inevitable when people refuse to allow their spouses to be human.  So there needs to be a transition in your thinking.  You must choose to live by encouragement rather than by expectations.  The way your spouse has been for the last ten years is likely what he or she will be in the future apart from your loving encouragement and an intervention from God.  Love puts the focus on personal responsibility and improving yourself rather than on demanding more from others.

Jesus painted a picture of this when He talked about the person who saw the “speck” in his brother’s eye but didn’t notice the “log” in his own.

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:4-5).

Does your spouse feel like they’re living with a speck inspector?  Are they routinely on edge, fearful of not living up to your expectations?  Would they say they spend most days sensing more of your disapproval than your acceptance?

Perhaps you’d respond by saying that the problem is not with you but with them.  If they really do come up short in a lost of areas, why is that your fault?  As far as you’re concerned, it takes both of you doing everything you can to make marriage work.  If your mate doesn’t want you to be so critical, they need to realize that the issues you bring up are legitimate.  You’re not saying you’re perfect, by any means, but it does seem like you should be able to say what you think.  Right?

The problem with this kind of attitude is that few people are able to respond to criticism with total objectivity.  When it seems clear that someone is unhappy with you – whether by direct confrontation or the silent treatment – it’s hard not to take their displeasure personally.  Especially in marriage.

After all, unlike any other friendship, your relationship with your spouse began with both of you bending over backwards to please the other.  When your mate was your boyfriend or girlfriend, they were completely charmed by your personality.  You could almost do no wrong.  Your life together was so much easier.  And though you didn’t expect it to stay that way forever, you certainly didn’t see them being so sinful and getting so angry with you.  You never expected that this man or woman who promised to love you could get to where they didn’t even seem to like you.

So when this stark contract becomes living reality, your natural reaction is to resist it.  During the early days of marriage, you may have been more inclined to listen and make subtle changes.  But as the years go by, your spouse’s disapproval only tends to entrench you.  Rather than making you want to correct things, it makes you want to dig in even deeper.

Love is too smart for that.  Instead of putting your mate in a position to rebel, love teaches you to given them room to be themselves.  Even if you’re the goal-oriented type who places high demands on yourself, love calls you not to protect your hard-driving ways onto your mate’s performance.  You must realize that marriage is a relationship to be enjoyed and savored along the way.  It’s a unique friendship designed by God Himself where two people live together in flawed imperfection but deal with it by encouraging each other, not discouraging them.

The Bible says, “Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble” (Isaiah 35:3).  “Encourage one another and build up one another…Encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, 14).

Don’t you want married life to be a place where you can enjoy free expression of who you are, growing within a safe environment that encourages you even when you fail?  Your spouse does too – and love gives them that privilege.  If your wife or husband has told you on more than one occasion that you make them feel beat down and defeated, you need to take these words to heart.  Make a commitment to daily let go of unrealistic expectations and become your spouse’s greatest encourager.  And the person they’re created by God to be will begin to emerge with new confidence and love for you.

TODAY’S DARE

ELIMATE THE POISON OF UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS IN YOUR HOME.  THINK OF ONE AREA WHERE YOUR SPOUSE HAS TOLD YOU YOU’RE EXPECTING TOO MUCH, AND TELL THEM YOU’RE SORRY FOR BEING SO HARD ON THEM ABOUT IT.  PROMISE THEM YOU’LL SEEK TO UNDERSTAND, AND ASSURE THEM OF YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds.   

Hebrews 10:24

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 26 – LOVE IS RESPONSIBLE

Day 26 – LOVE IS RESPONSIBLE 

 

When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.

Romans 2:1 HCSB

Today will be hard.  But as you seek God’s strength and wisdom, you will be able to get through it.  This day could be a milestone in your marriage if you allow it to be.  So resolve to focus on what the Lord may be saying to you, and purpose to following His leading.

Today is about personal responsibility.  It’s something we all agree others should have, but we struggle to maintain it ourselves.  Over the past few decades, there’s been a decline in personal responsibility.  More and more, people seem less likely to acknowledge their own mistakes.  We see it in politics.  We see it in business.  We see it in celebrity headlines.

But this is not just a problem with the rich and famous.  To find an example of someone who has an excuse for every action, all we have to do is look in the mirror.  We are so quick to justify our motives.  So quick to deflect criticism.  So quick to find fault – especially with our spouse, who is always the easiest one to blame.

We tend to believe that our views are correct, or are at least much more correct than our mate’s.  And we don’t believe that anybody, given our same set of circumstances, would act much differently than we have.  As far as we’re concerned, we’re doing the best we can.  And our spouse just ought to be glad we’re as good to them as we are.

But love doesn’t pass the blame so easily or justify selfish motives.  Love is not nearly as concerned with its own performance as with other’s needs.  When love takes responsibility for its actions, it’s not to prove how noble you’ve been but rather to admit how much further you have to go.

Love doesn’t make excuses.  Love keeps working to make a difference – in you and in your marriage.

That’s why the next time you’re in an argument with your spouse, instead of working up your comebacks, stop and see if there’s something worth listening to in what your mate is saying.  What might happen in your relationship if instead of passing blame, you first admitted your own wrongs?  As the Scripture says, Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool” (Proverbs 17:10 NKJV).

Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front.  Are you taking responsibility for this person you chose for yourself as the love of your life?  How deliberate are you about making sure your spouse’s needs are met?  Or are you only concerned with your mate fulfilling yours?  Love calls us to take responsibility for our partner in marriage.  To love them.  To honor them.  To cherish them.

Are you taking responsibility for your own faults?  Have you said or done things to your spouse – or to God – that are wrong?  Love desires to have a right relationship with both God and your spouse is crucial for a healthy relationship.

This doesn’t mean you’re always wrong and your spouse is always right.  This is not a demand that you become a doormat.  But if there is something that’s not right between you and God, or you and your spouse, then that should be first priority.

“If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8).  However, “if we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).  Confess your areas of sin first, then you’ll be on better ground to work things out with your spouse.

In order to walk with God and to keep His favor, you must stay clean before Him.  That doesn’t mean you can never stumble but that you confess it to God and ask for forgiveness when you do.  Can your spouse say that you have wronged or wounded them in any way and never made it right?  Part of taking responsibility is admitting when you’ve failed and asking for forgiveness.  It’s time to humble yourself, correct your offenses, and repair the damage.  It’s an act of love.  God wants there to be no unresolved issues between the two of you.

The problem is, to do it sincerely you must swallow your pride and see forgiveness regardless of how your spouse responds.  They should forgive you, but your responsibility does not lie with their decision.  Admitting your mistakes is your responsibility.  If they have wronged you, leave that for them to deal with at another time.

Ask God to show you where you have failed in your responsibility, then get right with Him first.  Once you’ve done that, you need to get right with your spouse.  It may be the most difficult thing you’ve every done, but it is crucial to taking the next step in your marriage and with God.  If you are sincere, you may be surprised at the grace and strength God gives you when you take this step.

TODAY’S DARE

TAKE TIME TO PRAY THROUGH YOUR AREAS OF WRONG DOING .  ASK FOR GOD’S FORGIVENESS, THEN HUMBLE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO ADMIT THEM TO YOUR SPOUSE.  DO IT SINCERELY AND TRUTHFULLY.  ASK YOUR SPOUSE FOR FORGIVENESS AS WELL.  NO MATTER HOW THEY RESPOND, MAKE SURE YOU COVER YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IN LOVE.  EVEN IF THEY RESPONS WITH CRITICISM, ACCEPT IT BY RECEIVING IT AS COUNSEL.

Each one must examine his own work … in regard to himself alone. 
 Galatians 6:4

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 25 – LOVE FORGIVES

 Day 25 – LOVE FORGIVES 

What I have forgive, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ.

2 Corinthians 2:10

This one is tough – perhaps the toughest dare in the book.  But if there is to be any hope for your marriage, this is a challenge that must absolutely be taken seriously.   Counselors and ministers who deal with broken couples on a regular basis will tell you that this is the most complex problem of all, a rupture that is often the last to be repaired.  It cannot just be considered and contemplated but must be deliberately put into practice.  Forgiveness has to happen, or a successful marriage won’t.

Jesus painted a vivid image of forgiveness in His parable of the ungrateful servant.  A man who owed a sizable sum of money was surprised when his master heard his appeals for mercy and totally canceled his debt.  But upon being released from this enormous load, the servant did a most unexpected thing:  he went to another man who owed him a much smaller amount and demanded immediate payment.  When the master heard of it, things changed dramatically in his arrangement with the slave.  “His lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him” (Matthew 18:34).  A day that had begun with joy and relief ended in grief and hopelessness.

Torture.  Prison.  When you think of unforgiveness, this is what should come to your mind, for Jesus said, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).

Imagine you find yourself in a prison-like setting.  As you look around, you see a number of cells visible from where you’re standing.  You see people from your past incarcerated there – people who wounded you as a child.  You see people you once called friends but who wronged you at some point in life.  You might see one or both of your parents there, perhaps a brother or sister or some other family member.  Even your spouse is locked in nearby, trapped with all the others in this jail of your own making.

This prison, you see, is a room in your own heart.  This dark, drafty, depressing chamber exists inside you every day.  But not far away, Jesus is standing there, extending to you a key that will release every inmate.

No.  You don’t want any part of it.  These people have hurt you too badly.  They knew what they were doing and yet they did it anyway – even your spouse, the one you should have been able to count on most of all.  So you resist and turn away.  You’re unwilling to stay here any longer – seeing Jesus, seeing the key in His hand, knowing what He’s asking you to do.  It’s just too much.

But in trying to escape, you make a startling discovery.  There is no way out.  You’re trapped inside with all the other captives.  Your unforgiveness, anger, and bitterness have made a prisoner of you as well.  Like the servant in Jesus’ story, who was forgiven an impossible debt, you have chosen not to forgive and have been handed over to the jailers and torturers.  Your freedom is now dependent on your forgiveness.

Coming to this conclusion usually takes us a while.  We see all kinds of dangers and risks involved in forgiving others.  For instance, what they did was really wrong, whether they admit it or not.  They may not even be sorry about it.   They may feel perfectly justified in their actions, even going so far as to blame you for it.   But forgiveness doesn’t absolve anyone of blame.  It doesn’t clear their record with God.  It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them.  When you forgive another person, you’re not turning them loose.  You’re just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them His way.  You’re saving yourself the trouble of scripting any more arguments or trying to prevail in this situation.  It’s not about winning and losing anymore.  It’s about freedom.  It’s about letting go.

That’s why you often hear people who have genuinely forgiven say, “It felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.”  Yes, that’s exactly what it is.  It’s like a breath of fresh air rushing into your heart.  The stale dankness of the prison house is flooded with light and coolness.  For the first time in a long time, you feel at peace.  You feel free.

But how do you do it?  You release your anger and the responsibility for judging this person to the Lord.  “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).
How do you know you’ve done it?  You know it when the thought of their name or the sight of their face – rather than causing your blood to boil – causes you to feel sorry for them instead, to pity them, to genuinely hope they get this turned around.

There’s so much more that could be said and so many emotional issues you may need to fight through to get there.   
 But great marriages are not created by people who never hurt each other, only by people who choose to keep “no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).



 

TODAY’S DARE 

WHATEVER YOU HAVEN’T FORGIVEN IN YOUR MATE, FORGIVE IT TODAY.  LET IT GO.  JUST AS WE ASK JESUS TO “FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS” EACH DAY, WE MUST ASK HIM TO HELP US “FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS” EACH DAY AS WELL.  UNFORGIVENESS HAS BEEN KEEPING YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE IN PRISON TOO LONG.  SAY FROM YOUR HEART, “I CHOOSE TO FORGIVE.”

Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.   

Luke 23:34

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 24 – LOVE vs. LUST

 Day 24 – LOVE vs. LUST

 

The world is passing away, and also its lusts;

but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

 1 John 2:17

Adam and Eve were supplied with everything they needed in the Garden of Eden.  They had fellowship with God and intimacy with one another.  But after Eve was deceived by the serpent, she saw the forbidden fruit and set her heart on it.  Before long, Adam joined in her wishes, and against God’s command both of them ate.

That’s the progression.  From eyes to heart to action.  And then follows shame and regret.

We, too, have been supplied with everything we need for a full, productive, enriching life.  “We have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either” (1 Timothy 6:7).  But the Bible goes on to say that, having the basics of food and clothing, we should be “content.”  And Jesus promised these two things would always be provided to God’s children (Matthew 6:25-33).

God’s blessings, however, go so far beyond these fundamental needs, we could rightly say that we want for nothing.  Yet like Adam and Eve, we still want more.  So we set our eyes and hearts on seeking worldly pleasure..  We try to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways.  For many it’s seeking sexual fulfillment in another person or in pornographic images designed to feel like a real person.  We look, stare, and fantasize.  We try to be discreet but barely turn our eyes away.  And once our eyes are captured by curiosity, our hearts become entangled.  Then we act on our lust.

We can also lust after possessions or power or prideful ambition.  We see what others have and we want it.  Our hearts are deceived into saying, “I could be happy if I only had this.”  Then we make the decision to go after it.

“But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction” (1 Timothy 6:9).

Lust is in opposition to love.  It means to set your heart and passions on something forbidden.  And for a believer it’s the first step out of fellowship with the Lord and with others.  That’s because every object of your lust – whether it’s a young coworker or a film actress, or coveting after a half-million dollar house or a sports car – represents the beginnings of a lie.  This person or thing that seems to promise sheer satisfaction is more like a bottomless pit of unmet longings.

Lust always breeds more lust.  “What is the source of the wars and the fights among you?  Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you?  (James 4:1 HCSB).  Lust will make you dissatisfied with your husband or wife.  It breeds anger, numbs hearts, and destroys marriages.  Rather than fullness, it leads to emptiness.

It’s time to expose lust for what it really is – a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill.  Lust is like a warning light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you to the fact that you are not allowing God’s love to fill you.  When your eyes and heart are on Him, your actions will lead you to lasting joy, not to endless cycles of regret and condemnation.

“His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.  For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust” (2 Peter 1:3-4).

Are you tired of being lied to by lust?  Are you fed up with believing that forbidden pleasures are able to keep you happy and content?  Then begin setting your eyes on the Word of God.  Let His promises of peace and freedom work their way into your heart.  Daily receive the unconditional love He has already proven to you through the cross.  Focus on being grateful for everything God has already given you rather than choosing discontentment.

You’ll find yourself so full on what He provides; you won’t be hungry anymore for the junk food of lust.

And while you’re at it, set your eyes and heart on your spouse again.  “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth…Be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner?  For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths” (Proverbs 5:18-21).

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him” (1 John 2:15).  Lust is the best this world has to offer, but love offers you the best life in the world.

TODAY’S DARE

END IT NOW.  IDENTIFY EVERY OBJECT OF LUST IN YOUR LIFE AND REMOVE IT.  SINGLE OUT EVERY LIE YOU’VE SWALLED IN PURSUING FORBIDDEN PLEASURE AND REJECT IT.  LUST CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE IN A BACK BEDROOM.  IT MUST BE KILLED AND DESTROYED – TODAY – AND REPLACED WITH THE SURE PROMISES OF GOD AND A HEART FILLED WITH HIS PERFECT LOVE.

Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil.  

 1 Peter 2:16

 Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 23 – LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS

Day 23 – LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS 

 

[Love] always protects. 

 1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrow, successes, and failures.  But when you think about what you want marriage to be like, the furthest thing from your mind is a battleground.  However, there are some battles you should be more than willing to fight.  These are battles that pertain to protecting your spouse.

Unfortunately your marriage has enemies out here.  They come in different forms and use different strategies, but nonetheless they will conspire to destroy your relationship unless you know how to ward them off.

Some are clever and seem attractive, only to undermine your love and appreciation for one another.  Others try to lure your heart away from your spouse by feeding you unhealthy fantasies and unrealistic comparisons.  It’s a battle you must wage to protect your marriage – when love puts on armor and picks up a sword to defend it’s own.  Your mate and your marriage need your constant protection from things like:

Harmful influences.  Are you allowing certain habits to poison your home?  The Internet and television can be productive and enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring in destructive content and drain away precious hours from your family.  The same thing goes for work schedules that keep you separated from each other for unhealthy amounts of times.  You can’t protect your home when you’re rarely there, nor when you’re relationally disconnected.  You have to fight to keep the balance right.

Unhealthy relationships.  Not everyone has the material to be a good friend.  Not every man you hunt and fish with speaks wisely when it comes to matters of marriage.  Not every woman in your lunch group has a good perspective on commitment and priorities.  In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of “friend.”  And certainly you must be on guard at all times from allowing opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym or even the church to draw you emotionally away from the one to whom you’ve already given your heart.

Shame.  Everyone deals with some level of inferiority and weakness.  And because marriage has a way of exposing it all to you and your mate, you need to protect your wife or husband’s vulnerability by never speaking negatively about them in public.  Their secrets are your secrets (unless, of course, these involve destructive behaviors that are putting you, your children, or themselves in grave danger).  Generally speaking, love hides the fault of others..  It covers their shame.

Parasites.  Watch out for parasites.  A parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage.  They’re usually in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, or pornography.  They promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time, and money.  They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love.  Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present.  If you love your spouse, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart.  If you don’t it will destroy you.

The Bible speaks plainly about this protective role, often using the analogy of a shepherd.  God warned, “My flock has become a prey…food for all the beasts of the field.”  How so?  “For lack of a shepherd.”  Not because these men were too weak to perform their duties but because they didn’t pay attention.  Instead of watching to make sure that the sheep weren’t being picked off by predators, “the shepherds fed themselves and did not feed My flock” (Ezekiel 34:8).  They took extra good care of their own needs and appetites but gave little though to the safety of those under their supervision.

Wives – you have a role as protector in your marriage.  You must guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines, and other forms of entertainment that blur your perception of reality and put unfair expectations on your husband.  Instead you must do your part in helping him feel strong, while also avoiding talk-show thinking that can lure your attention away from your family.  “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1).

Men – you are the head of your home.  You are the one responsible before God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage.  This is no small assignment.  It requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action.  Jesus said, “If the head of the house had known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into” (Matthew 24:43).  This role is yours.  Take it seriously.

TODAY’S DARE 

 REMOVE ANYTHING THAT IS HINDERING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, ANY ADDICTION OR INFLUENCE THAT’S STEALING YOUR AFFECTIONS AND TURNING YOUR HEART AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE.

You will be restored if you remove unrighteousness far from your tent. 

 Job 22:23

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 22 – LOVE IS FAITHFUL

Day 22 – LOVE IS FAITHFUL

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness.

Then you will know the Lord. 

Hosea 2:20

As Christians, love is the basis of our whole identify.  Our spiritual rebirth came about because “God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

 When asked to clarify what the greatest commandments of all were, Jesus answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart…your soul…your strength…your mind…and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27)..

Our love for each other is supposed to be how people distinguish us as Christ’s disciples (John 13:35).  It is the root and ground of our existence (Ephesians 3:17), meant to be expressed with passion and fervency (1 Peter 4:8).  It is a quality that we are to “abound” in more and more (1 Thessalonians 3:13), always getting better at it, becoming increasingly defined by it.

So if love is what we were created to share, what do you do when your love is rejected?  How do you handle it when the one to whom you’ve pledged your life stops accepting the love you’re called to give?

The account of the prophet Hosea is one of the most remarkable in the Bible..  Against all logic and propriety, God instructed him to marry a prostitute.  He wanted Hosea’s marriage to show what Heaven’s unconditional love looks like towards us.  Hosea’s union with Gomer produced three children but, as expected, this woman who had long made her living in immorality was not content to stay faithful to one man.  So Hosea was left to deal with a broken heart and the shame of abandonment.

He had loved her, but she had spurned his love.  They had grown close, but now she had been disloyal and adulterous, rejecting him for the lust of total strangers.

Time passed, and God spoke to Hosea again.  God told him to go and reaffirm his love for this woman who had been repeatedly unfaithful.  This time she had reached a new low and had to be bought off the slave block, but Hosea paid the price for her redemption and brought her home.  Yes, she had treated his love with contempt.  She had dealt treacherously with his heart.  But he welcomed her back into his life, expressing an unconditional love.

This is a true story, but it was used as a picture of God’s love for us.  He showers His favor on us without measure, though in return we often don’t pay attention.  At times we have acted shamefully and deemed His love and intrusion, as if it’s keeping us from what we really want.  We have rejected Him in many ways – even after receiving His gift of eternal salvation – and yet He still loves us.  He still remains faithful.

Even so, His love doesn’t keep Him from calling us to account for our mistreatment of Him.  We pay more of a price for our rejection than we often realize.  Yet He still chooses to respond with grace and mercy.  “In Him we have redemption though His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace” (Ephesians 1:7).  In Him we have the model of what rejected love does.  It stays faithful.

Jesus called us to this kind of love in the passage known as the Sermon on the Mount.  He said to “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28).

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them.  If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same” (Luke 6:32-33).

“Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return: and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35).

From the vantage point of the wedding altar, you would never have dreamed that the person you married might later become to you a kind of “enemy,” one you would need to love as an act of almost total sacrifice.  And yet far too often in marriage, the relationship does indeed dwindle down to that level..  Even to the point of betrayal or, sadly, to unfaithfulness.

For many, this is the beginning of the end.  Some respond by rapidly moving toward a tragic divorce.  Others, more protective of their reputation than even their own happiness, decide to keep the charade going.  But they have no intention of liking it – much less of loving each other again.

This is not the model, however, for the follower of Christ.  If love is to be like His, it must love even when its overtures are returned unwanted.  And for your love to be like that, it must be His love to begin with.

You can give undeserved love to your spouse because God gave undeserved love to you – repeatedly, enduringly.  Love is often expressed the most to those who deserve it the least.

Ask Him to fill you with kind of love only He can provide, then purpose to give it to your mate in a way that reflects your gratefulness to God for loving you.  That’s the beauty of redeeming love.  That’s the power of faithfulness.

 

TODAY’S DARE

LOVE IS A CHOICE, NOT A FEELING.  IT IS AN INITIATED ACTION, NOT A KNEE-JERK REACTION.  CHOOSE TODAY TO BE COMMITTED TO LOVE EVEN IF YOUR SPOUSE HAS LOST MOST OF THEIR INTEREST IN RECEIVING IT.  SAY TO THEM TODAY IN WORDS SIMILAR TO THESE, “I LOVE YOU.  PERIOD.  I CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU DON’T LOVE ME IN RETURN.”

I have chosen the faithful way. 

Psalm 119:30

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com

The Love Dare : Day 21 – LOVE IS SATISFIED IN GOD

 Day 21 – LOVE IS SATISFIED IN GOD 

 

The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.

Isaiah 58:11

Day 20 was a vitally important day in the Love Dare – and in your life.  You came face-to-face with the glaring need of every human heart.  And perhaps for the very first time, you became aware of how personal this need really is.  You may have realized that nothing in your toolbox of talents and resources could repair the damage that sin leaves, and that Jesus is the only One who can supply what you’ve been missing.  If you’ve received Him by faith and have turned your life over to Him to manage and lead, then His Holy Spirit is renewing your heart.  His wisdom, grace, and power can now be released into everything you do.  Including, not the least, your marriage.

But whether this is new territory for you or if you’ve been a follower of Jesus for quite a while, now is the time for you to firm up one thing in your mind:  you need God every single day.  This is not a part-time proposition.  He alone can satisfy, even when all else fails you.
Your husband may be late coming home..  Again.  But God will always be right on time.
Your wife may let you down.  Again.  But God can always be trusted to deliver on His promises.
Every day you place expectations on your spouse.  Sometimes they meet them.  Sometimes they don’t.  But never will they be able to totally satisfy all the demands you ask of them – partly because some of your demands are unreasonable, partly because your mate is human.

God, however, is not.  And those who approach Him in utter dependence each day for the real needs in their life are the ones who find out just how dependable He is.
Can you spouse give you an inner peach?  No.  But God can.  “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Can your spouse enable you to be content no matter what life throws at you?  No.  But God can.  “In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled…I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:12-13).

There are needs in your life only God can fully satisfy.  Though your husband or wife is able to complete some of these requirements – at least now and then – only God is able to do it all.  Your need for love.  Your need for acceptance.  Your need for joy.  It’s time to stop expecting somebody or something to keep you functioning and fulfilled on a non-stop basis.  Only God can do that as you learn to depend on Him.  But He wants to do it His way.  “My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

The needs of love, peace, and adequacy are real.  No one is saying you shouldn’t have them.  But rather than plugging into things that are unstable at best and are subject to change – your health, your money, even the affections and best intentions of your mate – plug into God instead.  He’s the only One in your life that can never change.  His faithfulness, His truth, and His promises to His children will always remain.  That’s why you need to see Him every day.
Our only reason for not doing this is because we really don’t trust God to supply what we need.   And yet the Bible says, “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of hour heart” (Psalm 37:4).  When we are seeking Him first, loving Him first, making our relationship with Him top priority, He promises to supply us with what we really need – which, actually, is all it really takes to satisfy us.

Jesus once spoke to a woman at a Samaritan well, a woman who had tried getting her needs met through a string of failed relationships.  With both her life and water bucket empty, she had come to this place broken and hardened yet still desperately in need.  But in Christ she found what He called “living water” (John 4:10) – a supply that wasn’t just you quenching temporary thirst..  What He offered her was a drink of soul satisfaction that never quits giving and refreshing.  And that is what’s available to you each morning at sunrise and each night before bed, no matter who your spouse is or what they’ve done to you.
God is your everyday supply.  Of everything you need.

TODAY’S DARE 

BE INTENTIONAL TODAY ABOUT MAKING A TIME TO PRAY AND READ YOUR BIBLE.  TRY READING A CHAPTER OUT OF PROVERBS EACH DAY (THERE ARE THIRTY-ONE – A FULL MONTH’S SUPPLY), OR READING A CHAPTER IN THE GOSPELS (MATTHEW, MARK, LUKE, AND JOHN).  AS YOU DO, IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE LOVE AND PROMISES GOD HAS FOR YOU.  THIS WILL ADD TO YOUR GROWTH AS YOU WALK WITH HIM.

You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. 

 Psalm 145:16

Source :

http://kairoskingdomwomen.wordpress.com

http://4marriagematters.wordpress.com