Day 4 – LOVE IS THOUGHTFUL
How precious also are your thoughts towards me. How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
Psalm139:17-18
Psalm139:17-18
Love thinks. It’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotions and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.
When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your love one looked like wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband has his trophy. The hunt is over and pursuing is done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation of thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while you unintentionally ignore the needs of your mate. But the fact marriage has added another person to your universe does not change. Therefore, if your thinking doesn’t mature enough to constantly include this person, you catch yourself being surprised rather than being thoughtful. “Today’s our Anniversary” . “Why didn't you include me in that decision” . “Don’t you ever think about anyone but yourself?”
If you don’t learn to be thoughtful , you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship. Let’s be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. Whereas this can benefit him in one area it can make him overlook other things that need his attention.
A women, on the other hand, is more multi- conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isn’t helping……. all simultaneously. Adding to this a woman also thinks relationally. When she works on something, she is cognizant of all the people who are somehow connected to it.
Both of these are example of how God designed women to complete their men. As God said at creation, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a help suitable for him.(Genesis 2:18).
But these differences also create opportunities for misunderstanding, men, for example, tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean. Not much is needed to understand the message, his words are more literal and should not be over analyzed. But women think and speak between the lines. They tend to hint. A man often has to listen to what is implied if he wants to get full meaning.
If a couple doesn’t understand this about one another, the fallout can end up in endless disagreements. He’s frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn’t just come out and say things. She’s frustrated wondering why he’s so inconsiderate and doesn’t add two and two together and just figure it out.
A women deeply longs for her husband to be thoughtful. It is the key to helping her feel loved. When speaks a wise man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply. If however she has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her.
This also explains why women will get upset with their husbands without telling them why. In her mind she’s thinking “I shouldn’t have to spell it out for him, He should be able to look at the situation and see what’s going on here” At the same time he’s grieved because he can’t read her mind and wonders why he’s being punished for a crime he didn’t know he committed.
Love requires thoughtfulness on both sides the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.
A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.
But too often you become angry and frustrated instead, following destructive patterns of ” ready, shoot, aim.” You speak harshly now and determine later if you should have said it. But the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking it filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.
When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What’s the next event ( anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking.
TODAY’S DARE
CONTACT YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIME DURING THE DAY. HAVE NO AGENDA OTHER THAN ASKING HOW HE OR SHE IS DOING AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR THEM.
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you.
Philippians 1:3
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