Day 3 – LOVE IS NOT SELFISH Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor.
Romans 12:10
We live in a world that is enamored with self. The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings and personal desires as priority. The goal it seems is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking, however, becomes painfully apparent once inside a marriage relationship.
If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfish. Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can see it in the way young children act and often in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you cannot point out the many ways you spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical..
Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our spouses? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.
When a husband puts his interest, desires, and priorities in front of his wife’s, that’s a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that’s a sign of selfishness.
But love “does not seek its own” ( 1 Corinthians 13:5) Loving couples- the ones who are fully enjoying the full purpose of marriage- are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That’s because true love looks for ways to say “yes”
One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. If you do even a good thing deceitfully manipulate your husband or wife, you are still being selfish. The bottom line is that you either make decision out of love for others or love for yourself.
Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say “no” to what you want so you can say “yes” to what they need. That’s putting the happiness of you spouse above your own. It doesn’t mean you can never experience happiness, but you don’t negate the happiness of your spouse so you can enjoy it yourself.
Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well being of your mate, there is resulting fulfillment that can not be duplicated by selfish actions. This is a benefit that God created and reserved for those who genuinely demonstrate love. The truth is when you relinquish your right for the sake of your mate, you get a chance to lose yourself to greater purpose of marriage.
Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that’s means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his/her needs are met
If you find it hard to sacrifice your own desires to benefit your spouse, then you may have a deeper problem with selfishness than you want to admit.
Ask your self these questions:
- Do I truly want whats best for my husband or wife?
- Do I want them to feel loved by me?
- Do they believe I have their best interest in mind?
- Do they see me as looking out for myself first?
Whether you like it or not, you have a reputation in the eyes of those around you, especially in the eyes of your spouse. But is it a loving reputation? Remember, your marriage partner also has the challenge of loving a selfish person. So determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.
“ Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” ( Philippians 2:3)
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you’re not invested in. Along with restraining from negative comments buy your spouse something that says ” I was thinking of you Today”“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves”
Philippians 2:3
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