We are born needing to hear… Listened to, i.e. Feelings, Needs, Struggles and Opinions Those not heard or understood growing up may struggle to find their voice.
To be able to speak about what they feel, need or desire, OR they may talk a lot.
2. Affirmed
Approved of who we are and what we do.
Those who didn't get affirmed struggle to know if they ever got things right. Any criticism, however constructive, might take them back to guilt feelings of always being wrong. Even if complimented, they might not believe it.
3. Blessed
Special because of who we are; loved for who we are.
We don't have to do anything.
The lack of blessing causes shame and a constant need to find blessing - i.e. the need for approval, but it never seems to accomplish the desired result. Others are put off by their self-centeredness and complaints.
4. Safe
Free from fear and anxiety.
Free to explore the world and take new risks.
Growing up with a lack of safety creates feelings of fear and anxiety in the present. People will get triggered by any perception on their part that things are not safe. Perception is key - Perceiving danger when not.
5. Touched
Attributes to well-being. Safe, non - sexual touch. Sexual touch is the energy inside us to be productive, passionate and creative.
Lack of healthy touch leads to chronic touch deprivation. When people long deprived of touch relate to others who do not touch they feel unloved and unsupported. When a spouse says no to sex they get deep abandonment triggers.
6. Chosen
Selected, chosen for a special relationship. Accepted, desired.
The desire to be desired. Marriage is the desire to be passionately desired. Not being chosen leaves wounds of feeling unattractive and unlikable. People with such wounds constantly compare themselves to others; anyone perceived to look or act better or achieved successful things will trigger unworthiness. Won't believe compliments.
7. Included
Belonging; Broader than chosen we long to belong, to be in community. We long to be a part of something larger than ourselves. Gives sense of well-being, security.
Those not included as children may spend their adult lives constantly trying to fit in or avoiding social situations altogether. Not being invited triggers feelings of pain. Trying to fit in they will say yes when they mean no.
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